Sadness

I go through emotional cycles as I am sure most of us do.  Right now, I am in that down cycle – that “glass is half empty” view on life. There is no joy, no excitement, no love of life that usually seeps into my soul each day.  I’m used to it. I know it will pass. But…

I self-sabotage with eating comfort food.

I don’t pay attention to my intermittent fasting.

I sleep way too much.

I don’t write.

I can’t make a decision without an emotional back-and-forth in my brain.

I don’t exercise.

I don’t create.

I just avoid.

And, I don’t care…

Until the fog lifts (sometimes several days later).

Then, I’m mad.  How could I allow myself to mess up so bad?!  I was there for it. It’s not like I took a little vacation from my body and came back to find chaos’ aftermath. I WAS RIGHT THERE for it all!  And, I didn’t stop myself!

I’ve decided to make myself a thought chart.  When the fog lifts, I will write down all of those positive thoughts I usually have that keep me on track each day… create a manual for myself. Then… maybe, just maybe, I can make it through the next low cycle just following the manual.  On the other side, I am hopeful I can be proud of my actions.